Befriending Self
Besides making good friends at school and in the community, we need to help our children to learn to be friends with themselves. This is often a neglected aspect of life. Befriending oneself is a deepening journey where one discovers more about oneself and learns to accept one's flaws with grace and gentleness.
Without an adequate friendship with self, individuals may fight within themselves or look outwardly for affirmation and acceptance. When we don't know who we are, we tend to give in to peer pressures or base our identities on achievements and accolades.
Befriending oneself will lead us to know our own strengths, limits, dreams, and hopes. Befriending oneself will lead us to gather all the gifts and experiences for a healthier living and for the greater glory of God.
Fathers can create experiences to help our daughters to be a good friend to themselves by:
1. Experiencing what is good
As infants, our daughters are fed and comforted by us. We play games, laugh together, and enjoy the interactions. This leaves all of us with good memories. As a result, she feels wonderful and may say to herself, "I feel good, I have good thoughts, and I am good." By experiencing "self" as good, our growing young ladies continue to experience daddy's affirmations that they are beautiful, graceful, and virtuous.
2. Communicating what is good
As they grow up, they are bound to face disappointments and losses. We are there to comfort and remind them of their goodness in the eyes of God and ours. Active and empathic listening will help our daughters to experience our acceptance and support. Just by being fully present, she can say in an affirmative tone, "My dad thinks that I am good, so good that he is fully there for me."
3. Living out what is good
When our daughters are back on their feet, they are comforted and energized to move on. She may say to herself, "I know I am good. I don't have to believe in lies. I don't have to doubt myself or fight myself. I know how to comfort, compliment, and encourage myself. I am my daddy's precious daughter."
May this anonymous quote encourages us as fathers:
"Be your daughter's, first love. Open doors for her, pull her seat out, listen, talk, and treat her with your full presence and utmost respect... By setting expectations on how a man should treat a lady, and she'll never settle for anything less."
