“Perfectionism” is not the same as
“Excellence.”
In fact, striving for
excellence, when understood as striving for your best, is healthy and
motivating. When we strive to excel or
to do our best, we stretch ourselves. We
become disappointed when we fail, but we don’t shame ourselves. “Perfectionism,” on the other hand, is
damaging. Perfectionism is a defense
against feelings of inadequacy, being blamed, judged, and shamed. “Perfectionism” does not accept our
limitations and wears us down.
“Perfectionism” kills creativity, intimacy, and vitality. Ultimately, “Perfectionism” is full of
anxiety, fear, anger, and shame. “Perfectionism” alienates us from ourselves,
others, and God.
“Perfectionism” exists within us in varying
degrees of intensity. It grew as an
attitude within us as we experience shameful rejections and judgmental
criticisms. We learn to perform and to
push ourselves to fulfill others’ expectations.
We begin to neglect our own needs, our dreams, and our limitations. We wear ourselves out by pushing, exhausting,
and overextending our limited resources of time, health, and emotional
reserves. Unchecked “Perfectionism”
will become destructive to our intimate relationships. It produces addictive behaviors to fend off inner anxiety and turmoil.
“Perfectionism” can be transformed as we
practice by being gentle with ourselves and by being real to others. However, to experience this relief,
we need to feel accepted in the innermost core of who we are.
Daddy can practice accepting our daughters
by first accepting ourselves. We need to
learn to accept our successes and failings, dreams and losses, and
strengths and weaknesses. When we model
gentleness and authenticity, our daughters can then truly experience what it is
like to be gentle to themselves and what it is like to be real to others.
One of the most recent resources on this
subject matter is a book entitled “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You
Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” by author Dr. Brene
Brown. You can also find Dr. Brown’s
talks on Youtube. Please take your time
in reading this wonderful book, and we will explore the process of change in
part II of this subject.
Check out Dr. Brene Brown on "Perfectionism,"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7yYFHyvweE
Check out Dr. Brene Brown on "Perfectionism,"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7yYFHyvweE