Emotions become more complex and intense as
we step into our teenage years. Emotions mature
through learning and nurturing. Children
learn about emotions through observations and practice. They hear the sounds and tone of
conversations. They become an
interpreter of words and behaviors. They
feel the intensity and impact of others’ presence. They put words to their feelings and form an understanding of what they sense.
If the family is open about emotions, our
daughters will be able to express it. If
the family is conversant about emotions, our daughters will identify
and learn of their complexity. If the
family accepts all kinds of emotions, our daughters will be able to
handle all emotions, no matter how difficult and intense they are. All emotions are useful, functional, helpful, and informative for living a full and fruitful life.
Embarrassment
Embarrassment is a healthy response to an
awkward situation.
Embarrassment will turn into shame if we
ignore or suppress it.
Teenagers may feel embarrassed when their
weakness is exposed in public. Hiding or
running away may alleviate temporary discomfort. Eventually, facing the embarrassment or shame
in a non-judgmental and safe environment help to unlock the self-imposed
exile. We do not need to live behind a
mask or pretense. We can feel vulnerable
and face others openly.
Jealousy
Jealousy comes from a place of
insecurity. It comes from inside us, and it’s about us and not so much about the other person. We can help our daughters to first
acknowledge the common emotion inside all of us. Then, we allow her to express her thoughts
and feelings about what happened. Third, we
speak love, acceptance, and encouraging words to them when appropriate. Eventually, the hold of jealousy is loosened
by self-affirmation and gentleness.
Anger
Anger comes when we feel a loss of control when our boundaries are violated or when we feel frustrated over and over. It is important to find out why we are upset
and angry. This helps to manage our
anger at the root of the matter. Often,
when we are angry, we do not think, and it makes things worse. An effective way is to immediately
practice deep breathing and create a physical and emotional space to calm down
and begin to think.
The next blog will explore fear, rejection,
grief and moving on in life.
