Nature of Friendships: Influences of Family
Experiences
Our children’s friendships seem to be
influenced by family experiences. Research (Frietag et al. 1996) indicated that
kids who had experienced secure attachments as babies were more likely to have
close friendships at age 10. Another
study (Leiberman et al. 1999) found that these older kids aged 9-12 reported having better quality friendships were also counting on their parents
for help when needed. In an interesting
University of Minnesota study (Simpson et al. 2007), researchers followed 78
infants all the way through their mid-20s.
They found that individuals at 12 months were rated securely-attached
also seemed to be more socially competent.
And these socially competent kids were more likely to have secure
friendships at 16 years of age.
Besides early childhood bonding and secure relationships,
studies show that family talk and conversations may also
develop social competencies. Kids are encouraged to talk about feelings, thoughts, doubts, intentions, and
fantasies may develop better “mind-reading” skills, that is, the ability to
understand others and what they are thinking and feeling about. In short, our children of all age groups will
benefit from good social-emotional skills.
As fathers, we may practice and coach our
daughters in these social-emotional skills:
1.
Name the emotions
Recognize and label emotions.
2.
Be respectful of physical space
Some are touchy, and some are not.
Some need more space than others.
3.
Be aware of nonverbal
communications
Watch for facial expressions, body gestures, and postures.
4.
Practice politeness
“Give and take” dialogues; speak up nicely.
5.
Listen with empathy
Make eye contact, nod appropriately, and respond.
6.
How to say “No.”
Know the boundaries and able to express firmly and gently.
7.
How to negotiate
Present one’s
view confidently and yield for a greater goal.
8.
How to protect ourselves
Know when and
how to protect your own privacy and space.
9.
Discuss the nature of
friendship
Appreciate the intensity and changeability of childhood friendship
Appreciate the intensity and changeability of childhood friendship
