Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Handling Difficult Emotions I

Emotions become more complex and intense as we step into our teenage years.  Emotions mature through learning and nurturing.  Children learn about emotions through observations and practice.  They hear the sounds and tone of conversations.  They become an interpreter of words and behaviors.  They feel the intensity and impact of others’ presence.  They put words to their feelings and form an understanding of what they sense. 

If the family is open about emotions, our daughters will be able to express it.  If the family is conversant about emotions, our daughters will identify and learn of their complexity.  If the family accepts all kinds of emotions, our daughters will be able to handle all emotions, no matter how difficult and intense they are.  All emotions are useful, functional, helpful, and informative for living a full and fruitful life.

Embarrassment
Embarrassment is a healthy response to an awkward situation.
Embarrassment will turn into shame if we ignore or suppress it.
Teenagers may feel embarrassed when their weakness is exposed in public.  Hiding or running away may alleviate temporary discomfort.  Eventually, facing the embarrassment or shame in a non-judgmental and safe environment help to unlock the self-imposed exile.  We do not need to live behind a mask or pretense.  We can feel vulnerable and face others openly.

Jealousy
Jealousy comes from a place of insecurity.  It comes from inside us, and it’s about us and not so much about the other person.  We can help our daughters to first acknowledge the common emotion inside all of us.  Then, we allow her to express her thoughts and feelings about what happened.  Third, we speak love, acceptance, and encouraging words to them when appropriate.  Eventually, the hold of jealousy is loosened by self-affirmation and gentleness.

Anger
Anger comes when we feel a loss of control when our boundaries are violated or when we feel frustrated over and over.  It is important to find out why we are upset and angry.  This helps to manage our anger at the root of the matter.  Often, when we are angry, we do not think, and it makes things worse.  An effective way is to immediately practice deep breathing and create a physical and emotional space to calm down and begin to think.


The next blog will explore fear, rejection, grief and moving on in life.


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