Boundaries: When and How to Say YES and NO
One of the most important concepts in developing an intimate relationship with our daughters is the practice of boundary setting: when to say YES and how to say NO. Without emotional boundaries, we may disregard or even suppress our feelings, which may erupt in the not so distant future. Without proper time boundaries, we may rob each other of quality interactions. Relationships will wither like a dying plant. Setting proper boundaries helps nurture our inner emotions and provides relational energy. If you are interested in finding out how well you are setting boundaries, please click on the following link: http://www.boundariesbooks.com/boundaries-quiz/.
One of the most important concepts in developing an intimate relationship with our daughters is the practice of boundary setting: when to say YES and how to say NO. Without emotional boundaries, we may disregard or even suppress our feelings, which may erupt in the not so distant future. Without proper time boundaries, we may rob each other of quality interactions. Relationships will wither like a dying plant. Setting proper boundaries helps nurture our inner emotions and provides relational energy. If you are interested in finding out how well you are setting boundaries, please click on the following link: http://www.boundariesbooks.com/boundaries-quiz/.
Setting good boundaries with our daughters
also depends on developing good boundaries with our wives and ourselves.
Boundaries with daughter(s)
Emotional
boundaries: Imagine your daughter yelling at you for reminding her of the
schedule. You then calmly say, “You are feeling
upset because you feel that I am nagging you.”
You then wait for her to calm down before you address her yelling or her
attitude if needed. By not yelling back,
you have just practiced setting boundaries in saying YES to her emotional expression
and NO to how she is expressing it. You
can be a dad who is accepting and yet sets limits.
Time
boundaries: Imagine your daughter having
a celebratory event, but you have to travel for work. You explain to her your regrets and
disappointments. You make it up by
rescheduling a celebration with her. You
also make sure that you will not miss other important memory-making experiences
for both of you. By saying sorry to her
and taking action to protect the memory-making boundary, you are essentially saying
YES to carving out time with her and saying NO to any activities that might
infringe on your important dates with her.
Boundaries with wife
We cannot escape
this important subject because, as a team, our wives are our greatest
allies. We need to learn to acknowledge our
wives’ emotional needs and not just try to solve problems for them. When we
choose to spend time with them and not just when it is convenient to do so, we
are saying YES to building our teamwork and saying NO to forces that break us
apart.
Boundaries with ourselves
We as men need
to carve out time for ourselves to exercise, to de-stress, and to reflect on
daily interactions with family, work, and our inner life. If we set this personal boundary to process
our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, we will have more patience and be
better able to respond to the needs of our daughters.
Further resources on this important subject
are found below:
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