Facing Disappointment I

How does your daughter handle disappointments? When she scores low marks on a test that she works so hard for, how does she respond?  When she does not make it into the school choir or the sports team, how does she handle herself?  Learning to deal with disappointments is one of the most important life lessons. 

Disappointments can trigger many different emotional responses, such as frustrations, sadness, and anger.  Such emotional responses are not only healthy but essential.  We learn to label, express, and tolerate our feelings.  We learn that disappointments are not that scary because we will be okay, and we can grow stronger as a result. 

Sometimes we may ignore our emotions because our families are not comfortable with emotions.   As adults, we are so used to just think and ignore our emotional cues.  Children and adolescents are generally more ready to share and express their feelings.  But sometimes, children and adolescents feel pressured to keep a socially acceptable façade and learn to behave properly in certain cultural settings. They suppress their emotions short term and may even repress it long term.

Creating an appropriate response to our children’s disappointment is critical to their normal development.  Some parents may jump in and rescue their daughters from experiencing negative emotions.  Some parents may try to shut down their daughters’ emotional responses because they want their daughters to tough it out.  Optimal disappointment will help our children learn about their own limitations, practice resiliency, and ask for social and emotional support.